so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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