If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
