I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
