God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
