I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
