dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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