Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
