Christians are straight up FREAKS
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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