i jhust puked up my retainher.
id be glad to
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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