I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
