I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
