Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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