so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she looked like the before picture.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
