Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
