I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
