is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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