im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
