Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
