i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
