ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
