so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
