I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
