we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
