He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
