if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
