Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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