do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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