i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
