You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
