his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
