We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
