If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's like iHOP with fire
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
