no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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