So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Enjoy the penises
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
