sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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