No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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