I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're like the curious george of whores
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
