mondays should just be called national damage control day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
