Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
