Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's never too late to be topless.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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