what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
