Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
