the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
