She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
