upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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