This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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