Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My vagina is officially offended.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
