i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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