Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
