Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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