he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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