literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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