If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
