remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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