Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
