I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
