The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
