my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
