Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i believe in u and ur pee
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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