; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
