Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
youre lurking in front of me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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