my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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